In the past 14 days, I have been the subject of false and defamatory accusations online about matters that should, under any standard of fairness, have remained private.
The accusations have been made mostly by Sara Collaton, with whom I was briefly in a difficult relationship five years ago, and to a lesser extent, by Sarah Estela, who was my girlfriend from 2011 to 2013, and who appears to have baited by Ms. Collaton and other unprincipled bloggers to say not just unkind words, but rather, entirely false ones.
As described below, Ms. Collaton is a troubled person. Either she cannot tell the difference between truth and delusion — or for reasons best known to herself, she is deliberately lying.
As to Ms. Estela, what she at least admits is late-coming recollection, is in truth retrospective falsification. Ms. Estela and I were for a time very much in love, with the ups and downs, including arguments, which romantic partners navigate. There was never any abuse, despite her vague, hurtful and inappropriate use of that word. I wish her the best but also hope that she someday comes to realise that disagreement, no matter how passionate, is not abuse and arguments are often the way that disagreements get resolved.
By contrast, Ms. Collaton’s falsehoods are multi-layered and egregious.
During our few months beginning in late 2009 and early 2010, it quickly became evident that our relationship could not last. I nonetheless repeatedly tried to work it out. It did not work out. There were many quarrels – Ms. Collaton with me and I with her. Such argument is not abuse.
That said, the rotten core of Ms. Collaton’s attacks is her false claim that I assaulted her, causing bruises. What in fact occurred speaks to the depths to which she has sunk. I am disclosing the truth of this very painfully private matter only because I see no other way to counter her hurtful and perverse fiction.
One night in early 2010, I broke up with Ms. Collaton, for the last time. Later that evening, I entered my bedroom and found her holding a knife. I feared for her life as well as my own. I repeatedly asked but Ms. Collaton refused to put down that knife. To protect us both, I took it away during a scuffle. Then I fled to the home of a neighbour, with whom I summoned the police.
Subsequent events further substantiate the utter falsity of Ms. Collaton’s claim that I assaulted her. That night, when the police promptly responded to my call, they spent several hours unsuccessfully trying to calm her. While they also engaged me in conversation, never did they regard me as a suspect of abuse. Rather, the same night, out of concern that she remained a danger to herself, they escorted Ms. Collaton to a hospital. She did not remain there, however. The next morning and without notice, she arrived at my door and asked to stay. I agreed. She remained at my home for the next several days, until my parents and I were able to find her a hotel and arrange for her to return home to Canada. And despite her recent accusations, at the time she never claimed to the police that I assaulted her and never asked to press charges.
Ms. Collaton was never my victim, nor I her abuser. She and I tried to be in love with each other, could not — and broke up in a way that both parties took hard, but she the more so. That is not a crime – and as fair-minded people understand, no basis for launching vendettas over Twitter and Facebook. I truly hope that without further public spectacle, Ms. Collaton comes to peace with herself and her issues.
I implore readers—and especially those who know me– to consider all the circumstances and ask yourselves whether an abuser would call the police, why no accusations were ever made before two weeks ago, and why a supposed victim would return to my home.
Finally, perhaps those who credited the above poisonous accusations, which were dubious on their face, will do some necessary soul-searching. I am an imperfect person, with more flaws than many. No one, including me, however, deserves to be presumed guilty based on one-sided online posts. I remain hopeful that individuals and businesses in the video industry and beyond will respect that principle going forward.